Wednesday 17th of April 2024
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Speech Note's For Downer's SA Liberal Fundraiser Lunch (In Adelaide this Friday)

Thank you for attending this State Liberal Party Fundraiser- the more money raised for them through my name, the more I own them.

Most have you have probably been wondering if I work for Prime Minister Howard or President Bush.  The truth is that I actually work for both, in that I'm "on secondment" to the White House.  It must give the listener great reassurance to know that when I speak it is the voice of authority that you hear.

We had to start the War On Terror- without new markets to exploit the US economy would implode within decades, taking all the money we'd invested in Carlyle and Halliburton with it  As long as the war doesn't end, everything will be fine.

You can understand from my handling of the AWB Scandal why Bush wanted me to front the International Atomic Energy Agancy.  We wouldn't be hanging around the gates of Armegeddon (the Israeli military base) on the sixth of the sixth of oh-six.. we'd be routing the Iranian Horseman of the Apocalypse as he slept, while our forces in Iraq watched from the towers of Babylon.   Let it always be said that Alexander Downer always stood for what was right.

And what about that aforementioned wheat scandal.  Damn, but I've been good!  Look 'em in the eye and recite "Yes, Minister" scripts... that's what  John always says.  He might be good but I'm the best!  Four weeks now I've been playing word-games and I'm still made of Teflon.  Too easy!

Ladies and Gentleman, you must be beginning to understand who should and shouldn't be in charge around here.

 

In my office I proudly hang a letter from my mate Dubya, who I met back when he was Texan Governor and only Andrew Peacock knew he'd be President.  It says how when he's able he'd like to tie Australia more closely to the US.  I think I've  done a pretty good job in helping him achieve his vision.

The people of Adelade now think that it is treason to oppose the Bush Regime, and this is one of my proudest achievments.  I will do whatever it takes to maximise the returns of my share portfolio, as should all of you who dine here today.

South Australia is like  your  veal  cordon bleu.  The flesh of the freshly-slaughtered newborn animal is concealed in crumbs of gold, and it all gets more delicious when you stab into the yellow stuff.

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Offered as text (partially or in full) free of charge

Other people's business...

Downer warns Taiwan on stability

Australia has warned Taiwan it is risking the stability of north-east Asia by closing down its National Unification Council.

"I'm not overstating this."

"I don't think this is going to lead to war but I think it's going to lead to some deterioration in the atmosphere between Taipei and Beijing and I think that's regrettable."

Gus advice: regrettable? bad smell?
Keep your nose out of other people's business, Mr Clowner, when you're not even able to properly "investigate" that a former governmental organisation, the AWB, was flaunting the system with its wheat sales in Iraq when you should have known better. Actually one would suspect you knew better, but knowing better might have been inconvenient since it may have stopped your little Mr Johnnee Bucket claim an extra sale. When you open your mouth, on most of your missions, you appear like a dummy with no understanding of what's going on... But you know better... I guess you choose to play the naive clod of the village... or impersonate a seven year old kid... You would not be for real, would you?

So please ask yourself a few knock-knock-who's-there questions:

Do you want Taiwan to be absorbed by the mainland...? When or why not?
Does that fit with the US views? Should we bend over?
Do you think the National Unification Council was only a shop front in Taiwan to keep the Mainland Chinese on a wild goose chase? Forever?
Should Taiwan be totally forever independent, as it is now, with the US protective umbrella? Do we have to wait another 15 years of slippery soap diplomacy to come to a solution acceptable (unacceptable) for all?  Be absorbed by China one peaceful way or through a bloody war?  Or not?  Is it our damned business because we buy stuff cheap from both places to prop up our flatulent economy?
Is the deterioration in the atmosphere between Taipei and Beijing such a bad thing? Does it enforce a resolution one way or another rather than maintain a limbo that suits Western duplicitous diplomacy that buys goods made in China sweatshops while denouncing its human rights abuse which "we don't do"? Well, may be a little bit of rendition, here and there, does not hurt anybody but the "terrorists" (mostly innocent people who will become terrorists once released because of the trauma experienced at the hand of jailors....) But if they were they'd deserve it, wouldn't they? Especially these bloody refugees!

Your diplomatic efforts are so elastic that even a bungee is a stick of wood compared to them...  Please make up your mind and stick to it, smartly, enlightenedly, rather than playing a dumb dummy... Good day...

actually after thinking about... have a bad day...

Mr Clowner bumblebees around, annoying everyone...