Saturday 20th of April 2024

Richard Tonkin's blog

The ScoMo Shanty

(unaccompanied, shanty-style)
I stood upon the foredeck
and hoisted up me sails
with anchor weighed we sail away
from the coast of New South Wales
to leave the Hill Song far behind
Their Siren sings to me
So from ScoMo's land I'm bound
to search for Albanese
(CH) Do you hear the Song of the Hills
singing to you and me
Let's none of us be April Fools
Let's vote for Albanese!
ScoMo has a fluffy cat
also a fluffy wife

This one doesn't drag on for long

(Sung to a well-know Dragon tune)
Ukulele fun to play
many people do
even our Prime Minister

Bag Of Ice

Bag of ice , bag if ice
Every arvo I need you
Good advice isn't nice
Couldn't help where I peed you
Bag of water in a fridge
Isn't it quite clever?
Bag of ice, bag of ice
Bless my Bundy forever

Dickless Wonder

How do you see with your head up your arse?

How do you know you’re right,

Blinded by the sunshine

Of your anal spotlight?


         Total Control Freak

         Wannabe Ruler

         Dickless Wonder

         Nobody Fooler


How do you dare enforce your will

With power that you stole?

Why do you feel a God-given right

To take and keep control?


The Dragon From Melbourne

A sound unheard in many moons
rumbles through the sky
The travellers from the East have come
Nobody knows why
Here in Covid Eden people are going to die
Every morning, in the East
another dozen dead
Here in Covid Eden
funeral rites aren't said
We should have stopped while we were still ahead
The dragon bugles warning
swooping from on high
A day of death is dawning
Ready, set, cry


"Live with the Virus"
did ScoMo decree
"first chance we get
Let's frolic so free
While you folks wait for
a Lockdown Redemption
I'm gonna order
a Special Exemption
It's all about you
It's not about me
Would I lie to you?

Black Friday

Black Friday comes to call
Free face masks in Rundle Mall
Our Head Health Honcho, Nicola Spurrier

Send You Home In a Toohey's Tub

Here we are from New Sourh Wales
Where Coronvirus hails
Grab your pigskin, have a rub
We'll send you home in a Tooheys Tub

Sanity Clause

People in America grumble and grump
cursing the Democracy that gave them Donald Trump
But down in Australia, in the town of Adelaide
they're proudly showing everyone how Donald Trumps are made

South Of The Border, Down Warrnambool Way

Written not in honour of, but in deepest respect for tonight's closure of the SA/Vic border to even SA residents.
Has to be done, as did the song rewrite!

South of the border, down Warrnambool way

There's a girl I like to see who drinks at the Lady Bay

The radio told me, I can no longer play

South of the Border, down Warrnambool Way

Ch:  And she sighed as she whispered "Corona"

never knowing how soon I could travel

And I lied as I said that I'd phone her
for my mind had begun to unravel

South of the Border, down Warrnambool way

Covid Has No Heart

I met her on a Winter night
in swirling Melbourne mist
three weeks since the moon shone bright
and loving shadows kissed
Living in our lockdown homes
the law kept us apart
but Covid rode with Cupid
for Covid has no heart

Lock Downtime

"The situation's getting grim"
said ScoMo on the telly
"I need to go away and trim
my growing COVID belly
I'm heading down to Melbourne
to get some Lock Down Time
I'm not some privileged

Deja Loo

Saturday night I hung my head in shame
Society, I told myself, has just itself to blame
To have it happen now is worse than when it happened then

Pub With No Beer 2020

It's lonesome away from your pint of pale ale
The South Aussie Government's new Epic Fail
is hotels to serve you schnitties with cheer
but a parmi's no fun in a pub with no beer
The bottle shop's open, and we reckon that's beaut
we take our booze home and get pissed as a newt

Dont Worry Be Appy

Here's a little song I stole
when in lockdown on the dole
Don't Worry, Be Appy
Download software to your phone
Syndicate content