Friday 27th of January 2023

Richard Tonkin's blog

Is He an Aussie, is he, Lizzy?



Is he an Aussie, is he Lizzy, ex PM Lord Tony, hey?

He says he's no longer British, don't trust anthing he'd say
Hiis paperwork is inconclusive, truthfulness is still elusive
Tell us he's a Pommie, Lizzie, we'll ship the bugger  Home today

(with apologies to Mr Flotsam and Mr Jetsam)

Elizabeth's Birthday

It's not the Queen's Birthday
The date is a fake
as the Royals sit to dine on
Australia, the Cake!
The last of the Empire

The Ballad of Schapelle

Tell you a story bout a girl named Shapele, 
forced into a life of hell 
surfing on beaches in Bali all day, 
and shagging her boyfriend on Saturday.

Schapelle took a holiday
Packed her boogie-board away
and caught a plane to Dempasar
With 5 kilograms of marijuana

She thought that her sex appeal
would keep her booty out of jail 

It wasn't a bad idea for a plan
but in practice it was an epic fail

Clusters Of Munitions Companies

The next bit is reprinted from the Advertisers letters page of Halloween 2014: IF the future frigates are to be built in Adelaide, and the ship chosen is the Type 26 Combat Ship, a new era in naval co-operation could begin.

The UK Navy are building 13 of these ships, with BAE doing much of the design work and Raytheon developing the navigation and bridge systems.

The Circle Of Death

These words are written to the strong
Those who would be leader
because it's their right
You're wrong

Poseurs of power, bullies born
fighting the ethical conceder
taking sheer delight
seeing everything torn

Their karmic turn's at hand
A leadership conceiver
bending, shakes in fright
A new King rules the land


Finally the penny's dropped, my quest in human nature's stopped 
In recognition that I've found the latest paradyme
No Shit Sherlock you might say, happens always, every day
Lately I've been seeing it like it's just leapt out of time

The Sound of the Trump

One by one the Facebook friends fell
their green lights gone forever
as cities burned at the gates of hell
the smug, content and clever
saw the missiles fill their

Bingo, The Dingo Who Glows In The Dark (for Adelaide's No-Dump Rally This Saturday)

Way up in the Flinders, where they store the toxic waste
there roams a fearsome canine- two headed and two-faced
as the greedy politicians who run from his mutant bark
The locals call him Bingo, The Dingo Who Glows In The Dark

That's not the wind that's howling, that's Bingo in the Ranges
sniffing out the senators storing scary stuff for strangers
Wherever you might find a place for nuclear waste to park
that's where you'll find Bingo, the Dingo Who Glows In The Dark

Rocket's red glare

They thought I was bonkers when I dug this hole

and filled it with rooms as an ultimate goal

of an underground home they'd forgotten was there

unseen in the light of the rocket's red glare


As soon as the missiles start to fall

to the supermarket I'll make a quick call

for a fellow can only eat so much baked beans

Census- You can't Count On Me

(To the tune of the Bruno Mars Song)

Soldiers Have No Joy

Dick Cheney was Vice President
of old US of A
He made men into soldiers
and he shot their joy away
He sent them to Afghanistan
to fight the war on terror
and on they went into Iraq
and made the war forever

Too-ri-ay, dance all day
dance for the folks at the Pentagon
Too-ri-ay, dance all day
Soldiers have no joy

Playing the Game of Thrones

I saw the scene as Canberra burned through the eyes of my avatar, and the radar centres in Adelade fall to drones of war,
And now I wait, in hidden hills, until somebody wins
Everybody's King wants to play the Game Of Thrones

There's terabytes of memory out lying in the dust,
In houses with smart fridges, smart cars now full of rust
The owners of the knowledge are lost and crumbled bones
Everybody's King wants to play the Game of Thrones

Two plus Two Equals Antarctic Armageddon?

Type 26 Global Combat ShipType 26 Global Combat Ship


Seeing as it's turned out, amid yesterday's shipbuilding announcements, that one of the three remaining contenders to construct the Future frigates in Adelaide is the one I wrote about in the Adelaide Advertiser's letters page (on Halloween) 18 months ago, I've thought to republish what was printed then.  Given that it's the one with its photo in this morning's Australian, you could guess it's chances are still high..

Put On The Lead

How do you doodle, I said to the poodle

and how do you whatsit the whosit?

Tony's turned turtle, which Malcom did hurtle

and Bill's about to lose it.


Malcolm's little babies love Shorten, Shorten,

ALP Caucus vote Shorten dead

Office Drone

A widescrreen closeup on the eyes
Light fades as my enemy dies
In victory dance I barrel-roll my Drone
In my Melbourne office-cell
Many souls I've sent to hell
and once or twice from the pub on my Smartphone

It's much more fun when blood is real
High definition, watch it congeal
Death press button held by you alone
High Score's almost in your grip
Never on the Leader Board slip
or they'll send you to do the job without the Drone.

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