His shirt is pressed-and-crispy white
his back is straight, his spinchter tight
He marches the length of his domain
from Aldi to Woolies and back again

If felons come, he'll catch them all
with luck, some terrorists might call
Battle plans and gunfire sound in his brain
from Aldi to Woolies and back again

He didn't make the Army, couldn't be a cop
so here his wartime career will stop
Waiting to be wanted, he marches in vain
from Aldi to Woolies and back again