Sunday 5th of May 2024
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runt will do .....

runt will do .....

I referred to the opposition's manager of business in the House of Representatives, the South Australian Liberal Christopher Pyne, as "that yapping poodle". I confess the analogy wasn't original; Julia Gillard called him a mincing poodle in the Old Paradigm Parliament last year.

On reflection, I would like to withdraw the remark. It was a cheap and thoughtless shot that offended a number of Herald readers. Quite a few emailed me to protest that poodles did not deserve it.

Andrew Smith wrote: "In calling Christopher Pyne a yapping poodle you do the poodle an injustice. The poodle is a very smart and intelligent dog and is not known to be a yapper. I admit that some of their owners make them look silly but that is a reflection on the owner, not the dog. There are some yappy dogs that you could use, but I think it best to leave the dogs out of it and just use 'yapping fool'."

And Alison Palmer from Albury: "Poodles are gorgeous, intelligent, sporty, clean and good-humoured dogs. As a proud owner of a poodle I simply request - stop vilifying this breed!" My apologies to poodle lovers everywhere.

Mike Carlton

pyne in the arse .....

Emails about Christopher Pyne, the prominent South Australian Liberal MP, keep thundering in. ''Pyne in the arse'' was one of the more colourful offerings.

Poodle owners were pleased that I withdrew my analogy, although a reader from Wentworth Falls wrote: ''There are many dog breeds which do yap and also look uncannily like Christopher Pyne. The terrier breeds or the shih-tzu spring to mind and, of course, you could not go past that combination of bulldog and shih-tzu, bravely named the bullshit.''

Obviously, many people are unaware of the Australian constitution, section 24, clause vii (a), which provides that: ''The state of South Australia shall, at each federal election, send to the House of Representatives at least one member to amuse or otherwise entertain the electors of the other states and territories.'' Lord Downer was the triumphant embodiment of that principle.

Older punters will also recall one Andrew Jones, a Liberal elected for the seat of Adelaide in 1966 at the age of just 22. Memorable for his belief that alcohol was ''the devil's urine'', Jones was forced into a humiliating parliamentary apology after remarking to a journalist that ''half the MPs in Parliament are drunk half the time''.

Pyne, MP, has his life's work cut out.

Mike Carlton