I am about to do what old people have done throughout history: call those younger than me lazy, entitled, selfish and shallow. But I have studies! I have statistics! I have quotes from respected academics! Unlike my parents, my grandparents and my great-grandparents, I have proof.

Here’s the cold, hard data: The incidence of narcissistic personality disorder is nearly three times as high for people in their 20s as for the generation that’s now 65 or older, according to the National Institutes of Health; 58% more college students scored higher on a narcissism scale in 2009 than in 1982. Millennials got so many participation trophies growing up that a recent study showed that 40% believe they should be promoted every two years, regardless of performance. They are fame-obsessed: three times as many middle school girls want to grow up to be a personal assistant to a famous person as want to be a Senator, according to a 2007 survey; four times as many would pick the assistant job over CEO of a major corporation. They’re so convinced of their own greatness that the National Study of Youth and Religion found the guiding morality of 60% of millennials in any situation is that they’ll just be able to feel what’s right. Their development is stunted: more people ages 18 to 29 live with their parents than with a spouse, according to the 2012 Clark University Poll of Emerging Adults. And they are lazy. In 1992, the nonprofit Families and Work Institute reported that 80% of people under 23 wanted to one day have a job with greater responsibility; 10 years later, only 60% did.

SINCE THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED 10 YEARS AGO IN TIME MAGAZINE, NOTHING HAS IMPROVED — EVERYTHING SEEMS TO HAVE GONE DOWNHILL WITH THE ENGAGEMENT OF YOUNG PEOPLE WITH THEIR FUTURE. I MEAN HERE THE COLLECTIVE FUTURE, NOT THAT FACE CREAM CHOICE.

GENERATION SMARTPHONE HAS GONE DUMB. ATTENTION SPAN WHICH WAS THREE SECONDS, TEN YEARS AGO FOR THE AVERAGE KID, IS NOW DOWN TO 1.3 SECONDS. IT’S NOT THAT KIDS, ADOLESCENTS AND YOUNG ADULTS LEARN FASTER, IT SEEMS THAT THEY KNOW LESS ABOUT A LOT MORE VACUITY. ENTER THE POWER OF THE HEADLINE PROPAGANDA. ENTER THE POWER OF THE IMAGE. ENTER THE FASHION OF THE “INFLUENCERS” WHO BYPASS THE NORMAL SHOPPING CHANNELS TO CORRAL THEIR OWN CLIENTELE.

AND THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

AND THE YOUNG WOMAN BUYS NEW EYELASHES.

AND THE YOUNG MAN GETS DRUNK — MORE DRUNK THAN WE EVER DID IN OUR WORST PISS-UP — WHILE THEY ALSO GET DRUGGED SOCIALLY WITH NEW FAD-PILLS WHICH WE NEVER HAD. WE WERE BORN WAY BEFORE THE CIA MAGIC MUSHROOMS EXPERIMENTS. 

IS THE WORLD ABOUT TO GET STUFFED?

OUR MEDIA AT LARGE WANTS BLOOD ON THE WALLS OF MOMENTARY HISTORY. THE YOUNG DO NOT SUBSCRIBE NOR READ THE MEDIA AT LARGE. THEY GET THEIR NEWS-DIGEST FROM THEIR SMARTPHONE, WHILE WALKING — HEAD BOWED DOWN, LIKE PILGRIMS ON THEIR WAY TO A BEATLE COVER-CONCERT REVIVAL, OR ELTON JOHN LAST LAST LAST VISIT HERE OR THERE, WHILE MOLLY MELDRUM DROPS HIS DACKS TO LET A BIT OF HYDROGENOUS GAS EXCAPE IN A FAIR FART.  BOY! THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!!

AM I ALARMIST? SURE…. 

SOME OLD REASONABLE 115 YEAR-OLD NUN MIGHT REMIND THE YOUTH THAT THEY STILL HAVE SOME LIFE TO LIVE. 

LOOK AT OLD RUPERT! 91 YEARS YOUNG WITH A NEW SQUEEZE AND STILL MORE ACTIVE THAN YOU, THE 16-YEAR OLD COUCH POTATO… WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT LAZY. WE KNOW YOU ARE CONFUSED… 

WE WERE CONFUSED ABOUT THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT OF POLITICS WITH FASCISM BREATHING DOWN OUR NECK! NOW, WE KNOW YOU’RE CONFUSED ABOUT WHICH NAIL POLISH COLOUR YOU SHOULD USE TO MATCH YOUR NEW TATOO OF PEACE SYMBOLIST SIGN YOU DON’T KNOW THE MEANING OF. WE FOUGHT FOR THIS SIGN TO EXIST!

AND THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE TOILET…

DID I MENTION TOILET? Bugger !!!! I DID NOT MEAN TO. THIS IS A WOKE BASTARD CASE WHERE TOILETS FOR ALL ARE NOW TOILETS FOR NONE, EXCEPT TRANNIES. WOMEN DON’T WANT TO SHARE THEIR PRIVATE SPACE WITH FAKE WOMEN WITH JUNK. MALES CAN PISS ON THE PORCELAIN WITHOUT HAVING TO SPREAD THEIR LEGS. WOMEN HAVE ISSUES WITH SHARING THE SAME SMELLY SPACE AS A DICKY BLOKE. SO FEMINISM IS NOW RETROGRADE — COMPARED TO WOKE WHICH IS ALL EMBRACING — INCLUDING VENEREAL DISEASES… 

FUCK AND THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO VANISH IS A NUCLEAR CLOUD!!! HEY KIDS! DON’T BE TOO CONFIDENT THAT THE OLD BLOKES LIKE STUPID SENILE JOE ARE CLEVER ENOUGH NOT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID.

I KNOW NOW WHY YOU DON’T DO MUCH EXCEPT LOOK AFTER YOUR INNER NARCISSE. THIS IS GOOD. YOU TRY TO AVOID DOING STUPID AND WE THANK YOU FOR IT….  BUT PLEASE, WE NEED MORE OF YOU BEHAVING BADLY LIKE GRETA, AND YOUR FUTURE “MIGHT” AND I SAY MIGHT, BE ASSURED,THOUGH I WOULD NOT BET ON IT….

UNCLE GUS

IRATE CARTOONIST SINCE 1951.