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a modern odyssey with genies in bottles...“Wherefore we find our adventurer Odysseus stirring, his patience at an end. His black ship is run down to the water. He calls for mariners”...
John Griffin
Who else senses the world shrinking around them? Was it only a year ago we could twirl a multi-hued globe and contemplate a trip to one of those inviting islets of colour? Now, such goals have become uncertain, hazardous, forbidden even. We are confined to our country, our state, our town, a backyard. An immemorial freedom is being curtailed. We began as a freewheeling species, nonchalantly strolling out of Africa. A hundred millennia later and a trip to the local supermarket will soon be a grand day out, and even this dependent on the whims of a president, a prime minister, a mayor. Are we destined to settle for Hamlet’s fancy, a world ‘bounded in a nutshell’? That feeling of confinement and frustration brought Melville’s Ishmael to the point of knocking people’s hats off in the street. Today, it’s masks. And so, to sea. I propose a new Odyssey. In the spirit of Tennyson’s ‘To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield’, it shall be a voyage to discover the origins of Covid. In time, the story may evolve to become an epic to rival Homer’s. For now, we will have to be content with a synopsis. The initial motive for the first Odyssey was the whisking away to Troy of that exemplar of beauty, Helen. This inducement is going to be harder to conjure today. Leonora in my local farmácia has seductive eyes. But the rest of her is obscured by a black mask. If her ancient namesake were similarly attired, I fear the Greek fleet would still be sitting on the sands. We must picture a fresh scenario. A mysterious visitor to Ithaca’s port brings news of a deadly foe. The people gather round, imagining the imminent invasion of the cyclopes, or gorgons, or a chimera. They are informed that a nasty cold, of the sort that carries off some of the elderly and sick each year, is on its way and everyone should take cover. Chuckles all round? A sound drubbing of the newcomer? Alas, within a short time this startling account of an epidemios has subdued a hitherto sane land. Wherefore we find our adventurer Odysseus stirring, his patience at an end. His black ship is run down to the water. He calls for mariners. But this expedition is not for everyone. Before we enter the wide salt sea, how best to decide our crew? Most of our islanders have determined Covid a krisis. We have no time to review or debate their savage reasonings. While the mast is stepped, the sails carried aboard, and the long oars looped to the tholes, Odysseus’ wife Penelope has distributed the following multiple-choice questionnaire. RECRUITMENT TEST (UK VERSION)BASIC KNOWLEDGE
* Circumspect Penelope has done well: the correct answers are all (c). More than 99.5% of people who contract Covid survive it. Which makes a mockery of the oft-quoted dictum, Covido ergo sum infirmum; that is, ‘There is Covid, therefore I am sick’. Ironically, 99.5 % also happens to be the number of people who take Covid seriously, consider Penelope to be a conspiracy theorist, and are petitioning Odysseus for a recount. The crew is picked. Along with some experts in Very Small Invisible Things, and a mysterious grey-eyed woman, we are surprised to find we are mostly journalists, not a profession Odysseus is familiar with. But we assure him of our worth. We are, we say, like a sort of Delphic oracle: busybodies who are keen to reveal the truth, but grossly misjudged. Churning the salt sea to foam, setting sail, our small fellowship of heroic souls, independent thinkers all, leaves this Mediterranean paddling pool. Out through the Pillars of Heracles, into the Atlantic, we head north. Even as Dawn’s rosy fingers light the morning of the seventh day, we come across our first island and our first chance to fathom Covid. 1. LAND OF THE FOOLSA wide river brings us to a neo-gothic building with a clock tower. Leaning from a window, a blonde scruffy-haired lad in short pants is jeering, telling us to ‘bugger off’. But already, one of our keen-eyed crew, Pétros, has vaulted the gunwale and now takes the measure of this strange land. It is, he concludes, a simulacrum of a giant playground in which a bullying gang is lording it over their schoolfellows, imposing arbitrary rules and regulations. The ringleaders, rounded up and held at spearpoint, are quizzed. Sniveling, Matt and Raaby blame Johnno; Johnno points the finger at Paddy and ‘Witless’, and then tries some Ancient Greek. Odysseus pokes him; it’s as ludicrous as a street urchin in royal robes. Their chief skill, he determines, is mindless rabbiting. Of courage, diligence, solicitude, honour, or the ability to think properly, there is no sign. Pétros, ever fond of metaphors, says they are as boys who have climbed upon and accidentally set in motion, Achilles’ chariot. The horses are too powerful to control and, hanging on for dear life, they have neither the wit nor the will to stop it or call for help. Has stupidity got us into this mess? The journalist Peter Hitchens has, over many months, pointed out the stupidity of the incumbent Tory cabinet. Immature when they took office, Johnson and his mates have retained an adolescent approach to governance. Hitchens refers to the qualities of independence and critical thought that were once the hallmarks of a university graduate. Eroded by a modern education system, we have ended with a populace who no longer know how to think, only what to think. He could be right. To study the classics is to assimilate not just the wisdom of Western civilization, but a way of thinking. Genuine thought is holistic, a discernment regarding which facts to use and what relative importance they have. Problems easily solved with intuitive intelligence seem big and scary when ‘single vision’ is brought to bear. Ever increasing specialization has brought us fields of science such as epidemiology—and Neil Ferguson. To make him more than a source of facts about viruses is like recruiting an expert on marine borers as chief navigator aboard the Argo; it is to relinquish intelligence altogether. His predictive record alone supports the old maxim concerning experts: as time goes by, they know more and more about less and less, until eventually they will know absolutely everything about nothing at all. To weigh things up is what leaders are for. A broad understanding of what promotes human health and welfare, how the law operates to ensure individual sovereignty and democratic rights, the economic principles that make for a successful society, all the way up to metaphysical principles, would be nice. But otherwise, ask around. Granted, we had a duty to be cautious at first, since we didn’t know that we weren’t facing the most serious malady ever visited upon Homo sapiens. We now know this is not the case. For months, |
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